Jay Leno's Headlines!

I'm not 100% sure where these images came from, but I'm pretty sure I'd seen most of them on Jay Leno's "Headlines" segment. Seen every Monday night for the past 2+ decades, it's the only reason I watch late night TV.

Below are a few good ones I've been emailed recently! Enjoy!


Currently playing: Aldo Nova - Paradise
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: CLASSIFIED!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

Traitor!

As if not going gaga over Team Canada wasn't enough to make me the target of Canadian hockey fans everywhere......

Sigh.

It's true. I'm a turncoat traitor, on par with Benedict Arnold, Judas, and Lando Calrissian.

I've recently begun cheering for the Phoenix Coyotes. The very team whose existence screams a painful reminder that my original favourite team, the Winnipeg Jets, is no longer here. After they left, my loyalties shifted to the Ottawa Senators - mainly because they only beat the Jets ONCE in the history of the two teams, so they were the only Canadian team I didn't hate. I'm still a HUGE Sens fan, but early last year I found myself watching a lot of 9:00 CST west coast NHL games while feeding my daughter a late night bottle, and I came to accept the Coyotes. I now cheer for one team in each conference - Senators in the East, and the Coyotes in the West.

Anyhow, the NHL All Star game wrapped up on the weekend, and the Coyotes' captain Shane Doan won the Breakaway Elimination at the Skills Competition. Shane Doan is the last remaining Winnipeg Jet playing for the Coyotes, He's become my favourite player, and has helped this old Jets fan connect with the franchise in it's new location - even if it's a decade after they left!

Shane Doan is an all around good guy, apparently never uses foul language, and is loyal to the franchise that drafted him. He is a strong leader in actions and words, both on and off the ice. He is not embarrassed by his Christian upbringing and beliefs - heck the fact that he even HAS a Christian background and is in the NHL is a miracle! By all accounts, he is a family man, and a good husband and father.

After every goal he scored in the Breakaway Elimination, he skated over to the bench and got a big hug from his 10 year old daughter, Gracie, and then watched the replay on the big screen.

Look how excited and proud she looks in the photo to the right. My biggest hope in this world is to one day have my daughter look up to her dad the way young Gracie seems to look to hers. Sure, I don't make $4,550,000 a year and have Wayne Gretzky for a boss, so admittedly I've got a bit more of an uphill battle than Mr. Doan does. But if it's okay for a guy in his thirties can have a role model, I can't go wrong with this guy!

Currently playing: Stan Meissner - It's No Secret
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

2008 Music Review #2: Black Ice - AC/DC

Another CD that I purchased last year was Black Ice, the first AC/DC album in nearly a decade.

Growing up in Dauphin, MB in the seventies and eighties, AC/DC was ubiquitous. The band's hits could be heard from the stereos of every passing car and basement party in town. AC/DC was my first "real" concert, and they induced a ringing in my ears that screamed unabated for three days and nights.

I was looking forward to this album in a big way.

I got a handful of songs in and realizing the following:

1. Every song has the same 4/4 drum beat.
2. Every song sounds like it was recorded in 1980.
3. Every song requires a lyrics sheet or translator to understand what exactly is being sung, and once I figured out what the words were, I realized they were all about partying.
4. Every song has lyrics that, if handed in as poetry to a Grade 8 Language Arts class, would receive a grade of D+.
   

In other words, all the ingredients needed for a great AC/DC album are there!

This album is a lot of fun, and I find when I need to buckle down at work and meet a deadline, it's the caffeine that gets me through. And to say that the album sounds like every other record they've produced, I mean it as a compliment - it's a testament to the band that they don't feel the need to incorporate drum loops, synthesizers, rap guest collaborators, or sexual innuendo-less love ballads.

That being said, my comment above about the lyrics holds true. Check out this gem from "Rock 'n Roll Train" (whatever THAT is):

Give it all,
Give it,
Give it what you got,
Come on give it all a lot,
Pick it up move it,
Give it to the spot

The genius of a song with lyrics this generic is that you can pretty much substitute whatever you want into the "it" section, and have the song mean something to you.

Moving on to a song with a title like "Smash 'n Grab", you can assume it's about "smashing" and "grabbing" things.

Smash, grab and take it,
Take it for yourself,
Smash, grab and take it,
Take it, take it, take it, yeah

Whoah! Good guess! You could have collected a few bonus points if you'd guessed that it also would have been about "taking" things.

Another gem from "She Likes Rock 'n Roll":

She digs rock ‘n roll,
She gives rock ‘n roll,
She lives rock ‘n roll,
I like rock ‘n roll,
We gonna rock ‘round,
Rockin’ rollin’ all in the town,
We’re gonna make it right,
We’re gonna make it rock all night

I counted an astounding thirty-six references to "rock/rocking" in this song. For comparison, Bill Haley and the Comet's "Rock Around the Clock" (with a chorus that exclaims "We're going to rock, rock, rock, 'till broad daylight") only mentions "rock" twenty five times.

As if there was any doubt to the Australian band's love for rock, they hammer it over your head with four (count 'em, FOUR) titles on the CD with the word "Rock" in the title (Rock 'n Roll Train, She Likes Rock 'n Roll, Rock 'n Roll Dream, Rocking All the Way), which surely must be a record!

Final word, if you like AC/DC, this album is one of their best. If you don't, this isn't going to convert you.

Highlights: Anything Goes, Rock 'n Roll Train, Money Made

Low points: Black Ice, Decibel, Wheels

Currently playing: Huey Lewis and the News - Tell Me A Little Lie
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

Minus 50.

Here was our weather forecast for the day. An extreme wind chill warning was issued, with an expected resultant temperature of -50 degrees Celcius.

For American readers who aren't familiar with Celcius/Farenheit conversions, that equals a balmy -52 degrees Farenheit.

Trust me, it's cold.

Putting it in to context, there are places on Mars that are warmer than Winnipeg right now.

Yes, the PLANET, Mars.

I'm sure wherever you are reading this, it's a hell of a lot warmer where you are than it is here. Quit reading this blog and go out and enjoy yourselves!!!

Currently playing: Del Shannon - Hats Off to Larry
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: CLASSIFIED!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

An exhausting weekend

Well, as mentioned in a previous post, our daughter turned one last week, so we celebrated our butts off this weekend, throwing a big party in the Holy Eucharist Church basement!

Madelyn got to try chocolate cake for the first time, and shortly afterwards experienced some form of religious epiphany.
What a mess!!! It was a half hour fight to clean that icing off of her, now known historically as "The Battle of Icing Hill". She got smart for her next piece, a few days later, and went for a more "hands off" approach!
Anyhow, I've been battling a bad cold for the last week, so I'm about ready to drop after all this excitement! Time to get some rest!

Currently playing: Stevie Wonder - Isn't She Lovely
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: CLASSIFIED!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

I'm becoming trapped in the balloon!!!

As some of you may know, I have a side career as a comic book colourist. Part of my specialty is restoring old comics from the 1960s for reprinting in the Marvel Masterworks series. As such, I see a LOT of old comics in the course of a year.

Some may disagree with my assessment, but a lot of comics from that era didn't really seem to have found the proper way to tell a story using words and art together in unison. At times, the words in the balloons (how's THAT for foreshadowing!!!) are irrelevant. Case in point:
The first word balloon is completely unnecessary. Whatever sinister device he's got in his mitts, we can tell from the drawing that he's already "pointing it at that car", ready to "push the control lever". Does he have to SAY IT?

I'm hitting enter, to start a new paragraph in my blog! Continuing to type, I say, that's just redundant!

Well, I was reminded of this after I saw the YouTube video posted below that has me rolling on the floor, laughing out loud this afternoon! I think this guy has read too many Silver Age Marvel Comics - he's commentating his own death!

(The half minute or so from 1:10 - 1:40 is the highlight!)

Listen to the sheer, unbridled panic in his voice, when he utters, "Oh Great! I'm becoming trapped in the balloon!"


If Steve Ditko had illustrated a story in Tales of Suspense titled "I'm becoming trapped in... THE BALLOON!", you can be sure Stan Lee would have scripted the dialog that corresponds exactly to what is said in the video.Some of my favourite quotes:
"Okay, this is my second attempt..." I'd love to see what happened the FIRST time!
"We'll, my head's inside!" Gee, you THINK!
"Darn it! That's the last thing I need now!" If the worst thing in your life is a shrinking balloon, you're life can't be all that bad.
"Oh great! I'm becoming trapped in the balloon!!!" BECOMING?!?! Take off the rose coloured glasses, man. You ARE trapped!
"I can still breathe!" Great! Now that you've wasted precious seconds saying that, how about moving on to step 2 - GET OUT OF THE FREAKING BALLOON!!!
"How do I get OUT of this balloon!" Finally, the million dollar question!

I'm not sure if I should make fun of this guy, or if he should be my hero. It's a safe bet that someone who has the time to videotape himself climbing into a giant balloon has never had any physical contact with a female that can't be filed under "accidental". That being said, he obviously loves balloons, and climbing into things, so if he can combine the two and live a lifestyle he enjoys (albeit, without romance or human contact), that's to be admired, I suppose!

Currently playing: Orphan - That's the Way It Should Be
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: CLASSIFIED!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

A year ago.

I'm reliving a memory.

It's dark. Just after sunset, which comes pretty early at this latitude around this time of year. Outside, the sky is a frigid, prussian blue. Bursts of blowing snow occasionally jump up and punch the window.

I'm standing in a dark room, lit by a television set. Horatio Cain looks like he has a lot to say, but the volume is muted. He's speechless, and so am I.

Cat looks uncomfortable, passed out on the bed beside me. Her body shut down from sheer exhaustion. A barely perceptible movement in her chest reassures me that she's breathing, still alive. She's beautiful. Regal. More stunning than I've ever seen her before in my life. Stronger. Braver. Yet at the same time, more vulnerable and innocent.

I quickly realize that my observations of her echo how I feel inside. It's the best feeling I'd ever felt, and the most scared I'd ever felt in my whole life, multiplied exponentially. I feel more unadulterated joy and sheer terror than I'd ever thought possible, and both are resonating strongly in my soul, simultaneously.

I think I'm tired.

I've been awake for 36 hours straight, and on my feet for a majority of it. They feel nailed to my shoes, which in turn feel like they are made of lead. In spite of all this, I'm dancing.

Yes, dancing.

Slowly.

Sitting in my awkward, swaying embrace is Madelyn Reese Yaciuk. My daughter. She's only a few hours old, and I can't put her down. I'm proud. Happy. Exploding with joy. Terrified. Underconfident. Unsure of how I'll handle my new role and responsibilities.

And I'm dancing. Every ounce of my body and soul is begging for rest, but for the life of me I can't sit down.

I take a deep breath and look out at that dark sky. At the snow howling at the window. I look at Cat. At the walls coloured by the television's flickering glow. And finally, at the bundle of newborn infant in my arms.

I realize that these last few minutes of my life are permanently recorded into my memory.

I keep dancing.

That was a year ago today.

Madelyn Reese Yaciuk was born January 8, 2008, at high noon. Our life hasn't been the same since. Cat and I had been trying to conceive for what felt like an eternity before this. Every month that passed without a pregnancy was heartbreaking. Today, we have a beautiful baby girl, who is now a year old.

It's been a challenging year, and like that first night, has been a roller coaster of joy and fear. Looking back, even at the hardest moments, I wouldn't trade a second of it for anything.

Happy Birthday, Madelyn! We love you!

Currently playing: nothing!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

Fun with Old Dutch Chips

In an effort to start the New Years off on an organized foot, I decided to clean some old emails out of my Inbox. I came across the following gem which documented a series of tomfoolerous emails my good friend Chris and I concocted after finding a lump of cheese powder in a bag of Old Dutch Crunchy's (sic).

We knew full well what we'd found, and the fun we could have with it. We decided to adopt the persona of an odd, singlemindedly determined individual who felt it was their duty to help Old Dutch improve it's quality control for the sake of the safety of consumers.

He also enjoyed free chips.

For the record, Chris and I made complete fools of ourselves and did go down to the Old Dutch "labs" to drop off a sample.

Ah, I'm getting ahead of myself. With full apologies to Michelle (name omitted!), read on!

----------------------------------------

-----Original Message-----
From: ------, Chris [mailto:Chris-----l@-----.com]
Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 4:38 PM
To: ConsumerCare - Canada
Subject: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

ATTN: Old Dutch Foods Consumer Care,

I always love to eat your "Crunchys Nacho Cheese Flavored Snacks". I eat them all the time for lunch. Everybody who works with me loves the Old Dutch Nacho Cheese flavor that can't be found in any of your competitor's products. Even this afternoon when we were all gathered outside for our cigarette break, everyone agreed that Old Dutch Nacho Cheese flavor is "the best" or "is tasty".

I purchased a 310g bag of the Crunchys snacks today to celebrate the new year with my co-workers. We all enjoyed consuming the snacks. Later on, when everybody went back to work for the day, I bit into an object I was surprised to find in the bag. There were two pieces... one of them resembles a chicken drumstick (but on a much smaller scale) and the other looks like a deep fried chicken breast.

I spit out most of it (the "breast") after I realized it was not a regular Crunchy, but I think I swallowed some of it. Everyone says to calm down, but I'm pretty worried now and I'm wondering if I'm going to be ok... I've never encountered such an object in a bag of Crunchys before. On the back of the Crunchys bag it says that if I "Experience the cheesy goodness" of this product, that "You'll be glad you did!". I have to say that in this isolated incident, I certainly was not "glad I did!"

I took some pictures of a regular Crunchy beside the "breast" and the "drumstick" for you to look at.

regular, "drumstick", and "breast" Crunchy (note bite mark)

closeup of the "breast"

product code

UPC code

I can send the rest of the uneaten Crunchys to your labs for analysis, along with what remains of the "breast" and the "drumstick" (you need to send me the lab's address)

Also, is the character on the skateboard (on the bag) named "Crunchy"? If he doesn't have a name yet my son things a great name would be "Crunchy McCool". He loves Old Dutch Rip-L-Chips (in the box only). Why can't I buy Old Dutch brand chips (in the box) at the Real Canadian Superstore anymore?

Can I be assured that I will be properly and fairly compensated for this ordeal, and accorded the proper respect moving forward in this matter?

Anxiously awaiting your reply,
Chris ------

----------------------------------------

-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle -------- [mailto:Michelle.-------@olddutchfoods.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 9:02 AM
To: ------, Chris
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Thank you for your email. We sincerely regret your recent dissatisfaction with a purchase of Old Dutch Nacho Crunchys. Our foremost concern is that the product reaches the consumer as a quality product. All of our products are produced and packaged under rigid quality control procedures.

We would like to take a look at this, as well as have our lab test it so that we can better determine what may have happened. You can send the package and the object to:

Old Dutch Foods
100 Bentall St.
Winnipeg, MB
R2X 2Y5
Attn: Consumer Care

Thank you for providing me with pictures and all of the necessary information. Once I receive the product I will forward it to the lab for examination. When I get the lab report back I will send you a letter explaining the results, as well as vouchers for complimentary product. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me.
Michelle -------
Consumer Care Representative
Old Dutch Foods Ltd.
1-877-228-****

----------------------------------------

-----Original Message-----
From: ------, Chris [mailto:Chris-----l@-----.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 10:23 AM
To: Michelle --------
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Thank you Michelle for your prompt reply!

I will be immediately visiting your lab with the uneaten Crunchys and the one of objects I found (my coworker has a red Firebird and has to do his laundry). Im going to keep the other object because my coworker says I should keep it 'just in case'. When could I get the lab report?

I would still like to know why I can't buy Old Dutch Chips (in the box) at the Real Canadian Superstore anymore? Also, if the character on the bag is named "Crunchy".

Is it possible for us to get a tour of the lab when we get to 100 Bentall Street? We'd really love to see the lab and the manufacturing of Crunchys when we get there around lunchtime.

Sincerely,
Chris ------

----------------------------------------

-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle -------- [mailto:Michelle.-------@olddutchfoods.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 10:54 AM
To: ------, Chris
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

You can either mail the object/product in, or if you want you can bring it in to the office. However, if you bring it in I will not be able to give you a tour of the lab. The Nacho Crunchys are actually manufactured in our Calgary plant, so I will fill out some forms and then send the product to the Calgary lab so that they are aware of the problem and they can examine it. I will send you a letter with the results of the lab report as soon as I get it back.

I am not sure why you cannot find Old Dutch potato chips in the 200g boxes at Superstore. If a store carries Old Dutch products they are free to choose which of our products they want on their shelves. You can try requesting them to bring in the 200g boxes.

I will pass along your son's suggestion about naming the Crunchy's character to our marketing department, they always love to hear suggestions from customers.
Michelle -------
Consumer Care Representative
Old Dutch Foods Ltd.
1-877-228-****

----------------------------------------

-----Original Message-----
From: ------, Chris [mailto:Chris-----l@-----.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 11:31 AM
To: Michelle --------
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Thank you Michelle,

I am very disappointed that I can't get a tour of the lab or the manufacturing plant, however, if I go back to Edmonton (my town of birth), I'll probably rent a car and drive south to for a tour. I really want to see how the Crunchys are made. Cheryl thinks they come out of a grid of spigots into a giant bowl of cold water, then they get baked then the nacho powder is dusted on them. Somebody should make a website that shows how they're made.

I want to thank you for your professional and prompt attention to my request. I wish my Crunchys experience was as enjoyable as my customer support experience. I've included a picture of me so when I come, you'll know it's me. (My camera broke this morning but the picture gives you a good idea).

(sorry about the messy picture, my camera broke)

If the marketing department accepts the name "Crunchy McCool", can I get a year supply of Rip-L-Chips or maybe ketchup chips (in the box)? That would be great!

Happy new year!
Chris ------

----------------------------------------

-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle -------- [mailto:Michelle.-------@olddutchfoods.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 11:47 AM
To: ------, Chris
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Chris,

If you could provide me with your mailing address, I will write up a voucher for complimentary products that you can pick up when you drop off the Nacho Crunchys. Once again I apologize for not being able to give you a tour of the plant.
Michelle -------
Consumer Care Representative
Old Dutch Foods Ltd.
1-877-228-****

----------------------------------------

-----Original Message-----
From: ------, Chris [mailto:Chris-----l@-----.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 11:57 AM
To: Michelle --------
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Thank you Michelle,

You don't need to appologize for not being able to give me a tour of the plant. I bet if the plant was in Winnipeg you'd be happy to give me a tour and some free snack samples too. I hope that I get the lab results back soon. Donovan and I will be bringing the uneaten Crunchys and the objects - both the "drumstick" and the "breast" (I changed my mind about keeping the "drumstick") - at 1PM today after we have lunch.

My mailing address is:
Chris ------
--- ----- Street
Winnipeg, MB
--- ---

Thank you again for all your help. I hope the lab gets to the bottom of this.

Sincerely,
Chris ------

----------------------------------------

From: Michelle -------- [mailto:Michelle.-------@olddutchfoods.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 1:47 PM
To: ------, Chris
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Chris,

Thank you for taking the time to drop off the product. I have sent it to the lab in Calgary where that product is manufactured. I was out for lunch when you came by the office, so I was unable to give you a voucher, but as soon as I get the lab report back I will send you vouchers for complimentary product. Once again, thank you for taking the time to bring it in.
Michelle -------
Consumer Care Representative
Old Dutch Foods Ltd.
1-877-228-****

----------------------------------------

I especially like the way we were humoured regarding the potential existence of Old Dutch's "labs"!

I'm sure the dress code looks exactly like the photo to the right! Here he comes with our report now! Yup! Looks like it was nothing but cheese powder after all!

Full apologies go out to Michelle (last name omitted!). If you're reading this, I'll forever be amazed at how professional and diplomatic your response to our idiocy was.

A job well done - you did Old Dutch proud!

Currently playing: Smithereens - Girl Like You
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: CLASSIFIED!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

For future reference...

Happy New Year everyone!

Cat and I spent the day taking down our Griswold-style Christmas decorations down around the house. It all came down in record time this year!

Every year, the tree gives me the most grief. It's one of those pre-lit trees, that comes with the (non-energy efficient) light strands already woven into the branches, which sounds pretty handy until you realize that in the time it takes you to figure out which plugs go where you could have put up a big old fashioned strand of lights yourself!

Well, I'm not going to take it anymore. This year, I finally got smart, and labeled every strand with a letter and number. After doing so, I realized that even with my labeling system in place (which makes no sense now that I look at it again) I knew I'd still have trouble getting it together next year. So I took a photo of the mess for future reference.

And knowing full well that I will lose that photo between now and next year, I decided I'd post it up here on my blog for safekeeping.

Here's what I deal with every year.
Eight plugs in all (there's three in the background in the lower left, plus the main mess).

So please, if you notice a post in mid December 2009 where I'm claiming I can't get my tree up and running, someone please direct me to this post.

I know I'll have forgotten where I put that picture!

Currently playing: Glass Tiger - You're What I Look For
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: CLASSIFIED!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!