Junk Mail of the Week award #1

The winner of this weeks best Junk Mail ad...

Subject: Locate your mate online in your area!
From: Wilma_Eldridge@knp.unibe.ch
Sent: October 26, 2005 6:56 PM

While I would not recommend anyone visit the "Adult Action Cam", I must admit, in its poorly written English I found perhaps the best advice I've been given all year. That being, "If you like it, keep damn doing it".

May that be all of our epitaphs.

If anyone out there does try to take advantage of the services Adult Action Cam provides, I'd be interested in knowing what the "Flirt" button could possibly accomplish.

Currently playing: Parachute Club - At the Feet of the Moon

I'm trying to reach Lando Calrissian!

From the Winnipeg White Pages,
2001 Edition
pg 261

Currently playing: U2 - If You Wear That Velvet Dress (live)

Crudulent Video Crimes #1: the People vs. Jefferson Starship

In the unlikely event that the defendant enters a plea of not guilty, I present to you the following evidence to back up the prosecutions allegation that, in 1985, Jefferson Starship committed unforgivable crimes against good taste by releasing the unspeakably bad video "We Built This City".

Exhibit 001: Abraham Lincoln.

Unable to control himself any longer, this monument breaks from the stationary pose he has held for nearly a century, and rises from his throne to help sing the chorus. Before anyone asks "Well, what's wrong with that!?", I just want you to sit and think about it for a second, and ask yourself.... what is right with that.

It also must be asked - what point does he serve starring in a video called "We built this city...". Abe wasn't a simple mason or city councilor, he had nothing to do with city building! He led the United States through the civil war and helped build the nation after... oh wait. I get it. A metaphor. Not only did we build this city on rock and roll, but, one can now assume that we also built this nation on it too! How clever! Too bad the rest of the video isn't....

I can think of a metaphor for this video too! It also has something to do with sitting on a throne...

Exhibit 002: Rolling dice.
Haven't quite got this metaphor figured out yet - but a pair of giant dice have apparently fallen off of a large building and are about to crush the neon wearing, mousse-laden denizens below.

I bet someone was paid a LOT of money to do this back in '85. The same effect can probably be achieved by any junior high school student on his home computer in a half hour.... Man, it sure looks cool though!

Exhibit 003: Mullets
Mullet? Check.

Terrible moustache? Check.

Stained wife beater t-shirt? Check.

White trash? Hell yes.

Exhibit 004: No building inspectors were involved in building this city on rock and roll.







Perhaps it is best not to build a city on rock and roll - Lead singer Mickey Thomas leads his band through the obligatory impromptu rooftop jam to close out the video. If we are to believe that Mr. Thomas possesses a modest height of 6', then the idiot contractors who constructed this abomination made each story of the building approximately 4'6"!!! Mr. Thomas could not even stand up straight in a building in the city that rock built!

(Note: It is remotely possible that the door is of proper height and proportion, making Mr. Thomas' natural height 11'. However, a man of that height would dwarf the tallest man in recorded history (one Robert Wadlow, 8'11"). Surely one would make a better living as part of a traveling circus than fronting Jefferson Starship. I'm sure nowadays I could make more money begging outside a bus shelter than Jefferson Starship.)

We find the defendant, Jefferson Starship, guilty, of numerous violations against decency.

Currently playing: Lee Aaron - Sweet Talk

Hey, didn't I used to eat lunch in that Doctor's office...?

Now that I live in the neighbourhood, I took a ride past the old deserted Digital Chameleon building at 1100 Fife. I coloured comic books in it's hallowed halls from 1998-2001, some of the best times of my life. It's sadly been collecting dust bunnies for a good 3 years now.

Stumbled across the "Falcon Beach Medical Clinic" - part of a film set for the Canadian version of Dawson's Creek.

When you see this on the show, you can tell your friends that you know someone who used to eat lunch in the same room as this doctors office! Bonus!!!

Currently playing: The Fixx - Deeper and Deeper

Anatomy of a beer league logo

Every day, I wish I was asked "Donovan, how on earth did you come up with the idea for the logo of your Uncle's Hockey Team, Big Ern's Boys?" Well, it's high time I documented this extensive process - so to all those who wanted to know but we're afraid to ask, here goes!

Step 1: Find a good logo
Our team wears Ottawa Senators jerseys, so getting their logo as reference was a good place to start.





Step 2: Acquire photo of Uncle, preferably an embarrassing one
At this point, my Aunt Rose was enlisted to help - she managed to dig up a vintage Big Ern photo out of the archives, this one dated to 1983. It's probably a good idea to not ask if he's wearing pants in this photo.




Step 3: Sketch out my Uncle's face
For those of you following along at home, this is what I call "the hard part". In more professional circles, it is referred to as "drawing".







Step 4: Add colour and shading
Don't forget to stylize the hair, not like that mane could be tamed by any sort of styling.







Step 5: Add the crest
Throw in the same background crest used in the Senators logo, and voila!







Currently playing: The Eagles - Heart of the Matter (live)