I just got back from the local Safeway (or, if survived the Second World War and you live in Dauphin, "The Safeways" Don't ask me why the elderly pluralize it, especially since Dauphin has only one Safeway[s]!) It was almost closing time and the emptiness of the store amplified the sounds of the night shift staff pushing palletes of groceries, and the sterile light rock pumped through the overhead speakers.This brought back a few memories. I used to work at The Safeway[s] in Dauphin, and for one summer between my University studies, I worked stocking the shelves during the night shift. My only companion was the loneliness and the offensively inoffensive light rock that permeated the store, forcing a few minutes of Air Supply to feel like hours, and a few hours to feel like I'd only made it through the opening act at a Barbara Streisand concert.
I did end up creating a pretty fun game to help pass the time away. It kept me sane, and served me well for the year that my car stereo could only pick up Magic 99.9 FM (ugh). So if ever you are stuck in a dentist office, grocery store, or at an Engelbert Humperdink tribute show, try this:
Switch the pronouns.
Not following? Let's try an example. Take the lyrics to Chicago's "You're the Inspiration".
You're the meaning in my life
You're the inspiration.
You bring feeling to my life
You're the inspiration.
Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin':
No one needs you more than I need you.
Even Mayor McCheese has to admit that that's pretty cheesy! To make it more tolerable, let us switch the pronouns around! For those who don't know what a pronoun is (like me, 5 minutes ago!), we're just going to switch "You're" for "I'm", "You" for "I" - you'll catch on.... Let's see how much better that makes the song! Sing it with me, comrades!
I'm the meaning in your life
I'm the inspiration.
I bring feeling to your life
I'm the inspiration.
Wanna have me near you
You wanna have me hear you sayin':
No one needs me more than you need me.
Isn't that better? It's sounds so egotistical! But WAY more fun! Another one of my personal favourites is Joe Cocker's "You Are So Beautiful";
I am so beautiful
To you
I am so beautiful
To you
Can't I see
I'm everything you hoped for
I'm everything you need
I am so beautiful
to you - ooo-o-o-o-o-o-o!
Wow. That IS beautiful.
If you can think of any more good songs that this works with, post a comment!
Currently playing: Procol Harem - Salty Dog
