Hazardous Planet of the Dukes of Apes

In a comment on my last post, Ian Sokoliwski wrote:

Didn't the Littlest Hobo once show up on that 'Dukes of Hazzard'/'Planet of the Apes' crossover show?

For those of you who found the comment a little cryptic, allow me to weave a little 'coming of age' tale.

When I was in grade 1, there was one TV show that you had to watch in order to fit in on the playground - Dukes of Hazzard. Children who missed an episode might as well have stayed inside during recess. You either joined in the heated discussions about how much you'd like to "hold hands" with Daisy Duke, or were shunned.

Kids can be so innocent, and so cruel.

Well, as the fates would have it, one day, my mom got a new television set (with a remote control!!!)! I hurried into my Spider-Man jammies and plunked myself down in front of the television to find out what crazy antics Boss Hogg would be up to this week. Predictably enough, ol' Hogg himself was chasing the General Lee through the back roads of Missilouisianorthdakotarkansas with reckless abandon. The cars began to race across the screen with a dirt road dust whipping fury, which meant that my favourite part was coming up - the General Lee was about to ramp over some abandoned bridge or stack of cardboard boxes - you never really noticed or cared WHAT it was they were ramping over at that age.

The car landed with a crash, slammed on the brakes, and did a 180, only to end up face to face with... The monkeys from the Planet of the Apes.

After a few speechless seconds, I believe my exact words were, "COOOOOOOOL!".

The Apes were involved in a heated discussion - no doubt equally as excited as I was at the wicked cool orange car that just landed in front of them! A fight ensued, and a few stormed off screen.

Before I could really question how the Duke boys got to the Planet of the Apes (or vice versa - the show wasn't really specific), Daisy Duke waltzed on screen, and I sort of forgot about the implausability of what I'd just witnessed. A few more conversations ensued between the Apes and the Duke boys, and things finally came to a frantic finalé when the General Lee was involved in YET ANOTHER car chase, and YET ANOTHER incline induced jump over something or other. Credits had barely begun to roll over a freeze frame of Daisy Duke, and I was cursing the fact that I was too young to know any of my friends phone numbers - It would be another 12 grueling hours before I'd be back at school, and thus able to share this exciting crossover episode experience with anyone!

The sleepless night faded into dawn. The car ride to school was a slow and agonizing one.

By the time my Spiderman backpack and I hit the schoolyard, the discussion of last night Dukes of Hazzard was in full effect.

"Did you see that jump?!?!"
"Girls are GROSS! Except for Daisy Duke"
"My favourite part was when the police car crashed into the fruit stand!!!"
"What is Moonshine???"

Shaking uncontrollably, and unable to wait for a lull in the conversation, I finally blurted out -

"What about when they landed on the Planet of the Apes!!!"

All conversation ceased. Immediately. There was no trailing off of sentences, no finishing of words. Just the uncomfortable silence, the rustling of the wind, and the occasional heartbeat. Time stood still, and all eyes rested on me...

The vacuum seemed to last an eternity, but it was probably only a matter of seconds before a girl's giggling broke the spell. Any pleas I had to convince them of what I saw were drowned out in a cacophonous roar of high pitched laughter. Letting the Spiderman backpack fall of my shoulders and hit the ground, I turned around and dragged it, along with my spirit and reputation, across the gravel and grass, making my way to the school doors.

Still, I saw what I saw, and held steadfast to the belief that the I bore witness to the incredible "Dukes of Hazzard / Planet of the Apes" crossover - that is until one fateful day, a decade later. While watching the old Planet of the Apes movie, I changed channels and came across... you guessed it! The Dukes of Hazzard. A truly epiphanous moment. It appears that, blinded by the naivete of youth, the epic crossover I'd witnessed was a construct of my own mind - an illusion, created by my mother as she flipped back and forth between channels with her new remote control. (I guess that explained why Dan Rather showed up halfway through!)

It was a bit like finding out that Santa Claus wasn't real (although that would happen until my early twenties). All those years wasted, advocating a show that existed only in my mind.

And that my friends, is the origin behind the saying "Nice boy, that Donovan! Not too bright though!".

Currently playing: Kenny Loggins - Nobody's Fool (Theme from Caddyshack II)
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: The X-Men vol.6