Donovan Returns - A Bryan Singer Film.

Yes, it's been a while.

The last few weeks have been filled with a few visits from out of town guests, a handful of birthday celebrations (including my own), a 35th wedding anniversary (obviously NOT my own!) and the start of an exceedingly hectic comic colouring schedule that should keep me busy until fall. So long summer! I hardly knew ye!

Well, I didn't return after a three week absence to fill you in on my personal life. No, this time it is to warn you all about a rotten thief that has been spotted across the continent, stealing $8.50 from the pockets of moviegoers of all ages.

That thief has been identified as Superman Returns (A Bryan Singer Film!).

There is a small section of dialog from this film that sums my experience up perfectly:

Kitty Kowalski: Wow, that's really something, Lex.
Lex Luthor: Wait for it.
Kitty Kowalski: Wow, that's really something, Lex.
Lex Luthor: Wait for it.

Well, I'm still waiting. Hoping that at some point, SOMETHING exciting was going to happen!

The ONLY action in this movie that occurs in the first 1/3 of the film, is a scene where Lex Luthor destroys a model train set by dropping a section of Superman's new age crystals into it. If anyone wants to tell me WHY he did that, or WHY it had to go on for 3 minutes straight, please leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you.

It's got a weak plot, bad acting, bland special effects, and slightly less action than Bridges of Madison County. But that's not the real travesty here. In my opinion, even if the film is going to be accused of all the crimes against filmmaking that I've outlined above, it should at LEAST be fun for children! Superman has been on more boys underpants than Michael Jackson, so you would think you'd like them to be the demographic most entertained. Well, out of the handful of children that were in the theatre with me last night, I don't think any of them were even remotely interested in the events unfolding on screen. All were talking amongst themsleves (in the case of some of the slower kids, they were talking TO themselves).

Overall, it's an average film about a character that shouldn't be average. It's just hard to care about any of the 'action' sequences when you KNOW Superman is going to show up and save the day. Bland, bland, bland. At least Batman Begins was so bad, you could have a good time laughing out loud at the catastrophe on screen (Trust me, you DON'T want to get me started on THAT film!). This one was almost 3 hours of time I won't get back. I'm not going to stop anyone from seeing this film. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

Well, on the bright side, the popcorn and drinks WERE overpriced!

Currently playing - The Cult - Resurrection Joe
Currently colouring: Chronicles of Conan Volume 11
Now entering my eighty-seventh Cola free day!