How time flies...It was 10 years ago this afternoon that I fought off a home invasion in my apartment off Pembina Hwy. I got to use some pretty unorthodox methods too, which makes for a mildly entertaining story that I'll be telling until I'm old and gray.
It was December 23rd, 1998. I'd just graduated with a Fine Arts Degree from the University of Manitoba, and had my first job colouring comic books for a company called Digital Chameleon. If you can believe it, that job required me to work the midnight shift, from Midnight until 8:00 am. I'd gotten home at about 9:00 that morning, and immediately collapsed into a heap on my bed and fell asleep.
In the early afternoon, my sleep was disturbed by a constant "tik--tik--tik--" sound, coming from the hallway. Figuring it was the superintendent fixing something in the hall, I frustratedly put a pillow over my head to muffle the sound, and tried to get some more sleep, but the noise continued.
I'd had enough, so I stormed out of bed to see what was going on. As I approached the door that led to the apartment hallway, the clicking sound got louder. And then I'd noticed something -- the deadbolt was moving!Still figuring it was the superintendent, I peeked through the spyhole, only to see someone furiously fiddling with the lock!
And there I was, WEARING NOTHING BUT A PAIR OF BLACK UNDERWEAR!
I was being broken into in broad daylight!
My first instinct was to run and grab my hockey stick and spread some Christmas cheer on this guy's knee caps, but abandoned it pretty quickly. I figured he kinda knew where to find me if ever he wanted to take revenge.
My second instinct was to grab a camera and snap a couple of photos of this guy as he stormed in through the door. While that would have been fun, I was again left with the fact that if these photos got him in trouble with the law, he'd know where I lived and how to find me, given that it was my residence he was breaking in to.
The burglar had nearly solved the deadbolt. I braced myself for a fight, still unsure as to what I was going to do once I confronted the intruder!
As the door started to move, I grabbed the handle and whipped it open. I mustered the friendliest and most apologetic voice possible, and said "Hi there! You seem to be having some trouble here... Can I give you a hand with this?".
Put yourself in his shoes. You battle a stubborn lock for 10 minutes, salivating over the potential loot inside, only to be greeted by the overly friendly inhabitant who just happens to be wearing nothing but A PAIR OF BLACK UNDERWEAR!
I've never seen someone jump like that in my life!
In response to my greeting and offer of help, he mumbled some excuse about how he was just passing by.
Yeah, right.
Anger and rage welled up inside me. I can't type out the response I had for him. A thousand curse words spilled out of my mouth as I chased him down the apartment hallway. As we turned the corner, I saw the stunned face of a second burglar (who also couldn't seem to get his lock open in less than ten minutes) watching his cohort in crime being pursed by a half naked man. This one was frozen with fear, until the first robber yelled "GO!".
Now I'm chasing TWO robbers in my underpants. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
They made it out of the building, and I chased them until I hit an ankle-deep snow drift and realized I was a little cold in my current state of dress. Hearing my baba yelling at me in my head for not dressing according to the weather, I ran back inside and phoned the cops.
In the event the girls who were in the car in the parking lot are reading this, I'd also like to state that the same phenomena that occurs in cold lake water also applies when you're in -30 degree weather in your underpants. Just for the record. Also, thanks for not offering to help! That's the Christmas spirit!The tale of how I came to save my apartment block from two robbers while wearing only the most basic of clothes is a story I'll be telling this time every year for decades to come. But every time I retell it, I can't help but think of the story those two thieves have to tell, about the time their crime spree was interrupted by a fiesty, svelte, naked, chiseled-muscled, handsome man who chased them across town.
Hopefully they're reminded of it now, sitting in jail, still being chased by men in their underwear.
Currently playing: Bing Crosby and Carol Richards - Silver Bells
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: Avengers vol. 9
Proudly in my third Cola free year!
2 comments:
Ha! I was once awakened by some teens toilet papering my house late at night. I chased them down the street in my boxers. I think I seriously traumatized them. ;-)
I would totally do that.
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