Fun with Old Dutch Chips

In an effort to start the New Years off on an organized foot, I decided to clean some old emails out of my Inbox. I came across the following gem which documented a series of tomfoolerous emails my good friend Chris and I concocted after finding a lump of cheese powder in a bag of Old Dutch Crunchy's (sic).

We knew full well what we'd found, and the fun we could have with it. We decided to adopt the persona of an odd, singlemindedly determined individual who felt it was their duty to help Old Dutch improve it's quality control for the sake of the safety of consumers.

He also enjoyed free chips.

For the record, Chris and I made complete fools of ourselves and did go down to the Old Dutch "labs" to drop off a sample.

Ah, I'm getting ahead of myself. With full apologies to Michelle (name omitted!), read on!

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-----Original Message-----
From: ------, Chris [mailto:Chris-----l@-----.com]
Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 4:38 PM
To: ConsumerCare - Canada
Subject: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

ATTN: Old Dutch Foods Consumer Care,

I always love to eat your "Crunchys Nacho Cheese Flavored Snacks". I eat them all the time for lunch. Everybody who works with me loves the Old Dutch Nacho Cheese flavor that can't be found in any of your competitor's products. Even this afternoon when we were all gathered outside for our cigarette break, everyone agreed that Old Dutch Nacho Cheese flavor is "the best" or "is tasty".

I purchased a 310g bag of the Crunchys snacks today to celebrate the new year with my co-workers. We all enjoyed consuming the snacks. Later on, when everybody went back to work for the day, I bit into an object I was surprised to find in the bag. There were two pieces... one of them resembles a chicken drumstick (but on a much smaller scale) and the other looks like a deep fried chicken breast.

I spit out most of it (the "breast") after I realized it was not a regular Crunchy, but I think I swallowed some of it. Everyone says to calm down, but I'm pretty worried now and I'm wondering if I'm going to be ok... I've never encountered such an object in a bag of Crunchys before. On the back of the Crunchys bag it says that if I "Experience the cheesy goodness" of this product, that "You'll be glad you did!". I have to say that in this isolated incident, I certainly was not "glad I did!"

I took some pictures of a regular Crunchy beside the "breast" and the "drumstick" for you to look at.

regular, "drumstick", and "breast" Crunchy (note bite mark)

closeup of the "breast"

product code

UPC code

I can send the rest of the uneaten Crunchys to your labs for analysis, along with what remains of the "breast" and the "drumstick" (you need to send me the lab's address)

Also, is the character on the skateboard (on the bag) named "Crunchy"? If he doesn't have a name yet my son things a great name would be "Crunchy McCool". He loves Old Dutch Rip-L-Chips (in the box only). Why can't I buy Old Dutch brand chips (in the box) at the Real Canadian Superstore anymore?

Can I be assured that I will be properly and fairly compensated for this ordeal, and accorded the proper respect moving forward in this matter?

Anxiously awaiting your reply,
Chris ------

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-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle -------- [mailto:Michelle.-------@olddutchfoods.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 9:02 AM
To: ------, Chris
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Thank you for your email. We sincerely regret your recent dissatisfaction with a purchase of Old Dutch Nacho Crunchys. Our foremost concern is that the product reaches the consumer as a quality product. All of our products are produced and packaged under rigid quality control procedures.

We would like to take a look at this, as well as have our lab test it so that we can better determine what may have happened. You can send the package and the object to:

Old Dutch Foods
100 Bentall St.
Winnipeg, MB
R2X 2Y5
Attn: Consumer Care

Thank you for providing me with pictures and all of the necessary information. Once I receive the product I will forward it to the lab for examination. When I get the lab report back I will send you a letter explaining the results, as well as vouchers for complimentary product. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me.
Michelle -------
Consumer Care Representative
Old Dutch Foods Ltd.
1-877-228-****

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-----Original Message-----
From: ------, Chris [mailto:Chris-----l@-----.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 10:23 AM
To: Michelle --------
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Thank you Michelle for your prompt reply!

I will be immediately visiting your lab with the uneaten Crunchys and the one of objects I found (my coworker has a red Firebird and has to do his laundry). Im going to keep the other object because my coworker says I should keep it 'just in case'. When could I get the lab report?

I would still like to know why I can't buy Old Dutch Chips (in the box) at the Real Canadian Superstore anymore? Also, if the character on the bag is named "Crunchy".

Is it possible for us to get a tour of the lab when we get to 100 Bentall Street? We'd really love to see the lab and the manufacturing of Crunchys when we get there around lunchtime.

Sincerely,
Chris ------

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-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle -------- [mailto:Michelle.-------@olddutchfoods.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 10:54 AM
To: ------, Chris
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

You can either mail the object/product in, or if you want you can bring it in to the office. However, if you bring it in I will not be able to give you a tour of the lab. The Nacho Crunchys are actually manufactured in our Calgary plant, so I will fill out some forms and then send the product to the Calgary lab so that they are aware of the problem and they can examine it. I will send you a letter with the results of the lab report as soon as I get it back.

I am not sure why you cannot find Old Dutch potato chips in the 200g boxes at Superstore. If a store carries Old Dutch products they are free to choose which of our products they want on their shelves. You can try requesting them to bring in the 200g boxes.

I will pass along your son's suggestion about naming the Crunchy's character to our marketing department, they always love to hear suggestions from customers.
Michelle -------
Consumer Care Representative
Old Dutch Foods Ltd.
1-877-228-****

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-----Original Message-----
From: ------, Chris [mailto:Chris-----l@-----.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 11:31 AM
To: Michelle --------
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Thank you Michelle,

I am very disappointed that I can't get a tour of the lab or the manufacturing plant, however, if I go back to Edmonton (my town of birth), I'll probably rent a car and drive south to for a tour. I really want to see how the Crunchys are made. Cheryl thinks they come out of a grid of spigots into a giant bowl of cold water, then they get baked then the nacho powder is dusted on them. Somebody should make a website that shows how they're made.

I want to thank you for your professional and prompt attention to my request. I wish my Crunchys experience was as enjoyable as my customer support experience. I've included a picture of me so when I come, you'll know it's me. (My camera broke this morning but the picture gives you a good idea).

(sorry about the messy picture, my camera broke)

If the marketing department accepts the name "Crunchy McCool", can I get a year supply of Rip-L-Chips or maybe ketchup chips (in the box)? That would be great!

Happy new year!
Chris ------

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-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle -------- [mailto:Michelle.-------@olddutchfoods.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 11:47 AM
To: ------, Chris
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Chris,

If you could provide me with your mailing address, I will write up a voucher for complimentary products that you can pick up when you drop off the Nacho Crunchys. Once again I apologize for not being able to give you a tour of the plant.
Michelle -------
Consumer Care Representative
Old Dutch Foods Ltd.
1-877-228-****

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-----Original Message-----
From: ------, Chris [mailto:Chris-----l@-----.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 11:57 AM
To: Michelle --------
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Thank you Michelle,

You don't need to appologize for not being able to give me a tour of the plant. I bet if the plant was in Winnipeg you'd be happy to give me a tour and some free snack samples too. I hope that I get the lab results back soon. Donovan and I will be bringing the uneaten Crunchys and the objects - both the "drumstick" and the "breast" (I changed my mind about keeping the "drumstick") - at 1PM today after we have lunch.

My mailing address is:
Chris ------
--- ----- Street
Winnipeg, MB
--- ---

Thank you again for all your help. I hope the lab gets to the bottom of this.

Sincerely,
Chris ------

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From: Michelle -------- [mailto:Michelle.-------@olddutchfoods.com]
Sent: Friday, January 02, 2004 1:47 PM
To: ------, Chris
Subject: RE: What was in my bag of Crunchys?

Chris,

Thank you for taking the time to drop off the product. I have sent it to the lab in Calgary where that product is manufactured. I was out for lunch when you came by the office, so I was unable to give you a voucher, but as soon as I get the lab report back I will send you vouchers for complimentary product. Once again, thank you for taking the time to bring it in.
Michelle -------
Consumer Care Representative
Old Dutch Foods Ltd.
1-877-228-****

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I especially like the way we were humoured regarding the potential existence of Old Dutch's "labs"!

I'm sure the dress code looks exactly like the photo to the right! Here he comes with our report now! Yup! Looks like it was nothing but cheese powder after all!

Full apologies go out to Michelle (last name omitted!). If you're reading this, I'll forever be amazed at how professional and diplomatic your response to our idiocy was.

A job well done - you did Old Dutch proud!

Currently playing: Smithereens - Girl Like You
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: CLASSIFIED!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!