Sony Headphones: The missing manual

I bought a new pair of Sony earphones (MDR-E818LP) last week.

Thankfully, the packaging came with some helpful instructions. While this was an exceedingly helpful diagram, I was disappointed that there was no documentation helping users to couple their new headphone purchase to their corresponding MP3 player/Walkman/Discman (sold separately).

As a public service to others who were dismayed by Sony's lack of commitment to their customers, I've created the following to help you complete the headphone installation process.
Additional help can be found in my upcoming book, Earphones: The Missing Manual by O'Reilly Media! You'll find these, and 2 other helpful diagrams for the reasonable price of $39.99!

All kidding aside, was there just some empty space on the packaging that Sony decided to commission the first illustration above?

Was their technical support department being inundated by calls from people who couldn't figure out that ear phones are supposed to go in their EARS?

Was there been a sharp increase in accidental asphyxiation due to inappropriate headphone use?

If you need that diagram to figure out how to use earphones, I can't imagine you'd be able to operate the MP3 player/Walkman/Discman that you are trying to use it with.

Currently playing: The Commodores - Easy
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: Fantastic Four vol. 12!
Proudly in my fourth Cola free year!

Digital Photography: Taking great group shots!

A few weeks ago, I attended the wedding of an old friend from my University days.

It was great to hang out with a few old friends from that time in my life again. As you can expect, at the end of the night we all lined up for the obligatory group photo. A lot of times, pics like this end up seeming a bit stilted and forced. So how, you may ask, did we end up with this gem of a photo with everyone smiling, happy, and energized?
I handed off my camera to a gentleman who volunteered to take the photo. My friends and I made the obligatory happy smile and waited for the flash to go off.

We barely had a moment to let our guard down after the photo was taken, when we were met with a second flash. Then an even more unexpected third flash hit us.

It was a little awkward, and created a momentary bit of confusion. A fourth flash flew from the camera's bulb. None of us knew what to think!

There was nothing else for us to do but laugh as this stranger kept flashing. Twelve photos in all were taken in a span of 20 seconds, and his refusal to give any hint that the stream of flashes was going to end sent everyone into hysterics.

It was nothing short of brilliant. Below is an animated gif of the twelve photos snapped. The first 4 capture the awkward moment where no one knew what was going on. The next four captures some great laughing faces. And by the last four, sheer chaos has taken over.So my advice? If you're looking to take some great, natural group shots, just keep shooting. Refuse to stop, or even acknowledge that taking 12 photos in rapid succession is in any way out of the ordinary.

I'll guarantee you, one of those shots will be a complete success.

Currently playing: Alessi Brothers - Savin' The Day
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: Fantastic Four vol. 12!
Proudly in my fourth Cola free year!

Running on empty

Just my luck. My 1995 Pontiac Firebird ran out of gas this morning.

On the plus side, I'd just dropped our 19 month old daughter at day care, so I should consider myself lucky that she wasn't stuck in this predicament with me. My day would have been pretty challenging if I'd had to try to lug a toddler around with me trying to find gas.

The bad thing? Check out the below map, courtesy of Google Maps. (Which is the best! True that! Double true!)
My car died at the spot labelled "A".

The gas station? The one institution that could possibly help me in this crisis? Well, that's labelled "B".

One hundred and fourteen feet away. (Thanks Google Maps!)

Sigh. I had to get an attendant from the Petro Canada gas station to help me get it across the busy intersection during morning rush hour before the light changed. It wasn't a lot of fun, but in hindsight it could have been a lot worse. I could have died a few kilometres away instead!

It just seems like a kick in the teeth from an iron boot to be so close to a gas station and run out of gas.

Currently playing: Running on empty - Jackson Browne
Proudly in my fourth Cola free year!

The most fun I've ever had at Bomber Stadium.

Some days, I surprise even myself.

Today on my lunch break, I stopped in at the office of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers football club to drop something off for someone. I guess the Bombers were having a practice or something, as there was about 15-20 teenagers hanging out around the front doors, waiting to catch a glimpse of the players.

As my business concluded, I left the building to see a 6'18" TANK of a man finish signing a football. The teens who got their football signed turned and watched the human tank drive away in his Hummer, and swiveled back to the Bombers office entrance, JUST as I was exiting.

Now, at 5'10" tall, I'm barely physically qualified to be the team's water boy, so there was an awkward 1/1000th of a second where the kids sized me up, trying to figure out which Bomber I was.

Before anyone had a chance to think, their fat marker was in my hand. I cockily pulled the cap off with my teeth, and let it hang on my lips while I grabbed the football out of the kid's hand and signed my name to it in a confident, exaggerated motion.

Their excitement was palpable! Another (assumed) famous athlete was signing their ball!

Noticing that I was autographing stuff, another group of teens began to advance as I finished marking the first football with my name. Now, I'm not stupid. At some moment, a whole gang of gigantic, muscled football players who are fully aware that their teammates don't look like me were about to come out the same doors I did and sack me. Needing a quick exit, I raised my hands up to block them and quietly muttered, "Not today, boys".

And in a flash, I was gone.

With all due respect to the action on the field, that was probably the most fun I'd ever had at Bomber Stadium!
Currently playing: The Joker - The Steve Miller Band
Proudly in my fourth Cola free year!

Battling another addiction

If you've been reading this blog long enough, you'll be aware that I've been Cola free since April 2006.

I used to consume over 2 litres of pop a day!

Well, on December 5th, 2006 I went from out of the frying pan, and into... another frying pan. After attending an awesome Guns N' Roses concert that went on until 3AM, I started drinking coffee. I needed it to get through the work day!

Shortly afterwards, my wife Cat and I got pregnant, and I was up all hours of the night getting our nest ready for our new arrival, which meant even more coffee.

Pop quiz! After baby showed up, my coffee consumption:
a. increased
b. decreased

If you chose b, you obviously don't have children. Quit reading and go get all the sleep you can NOW!

Well, 4 weeks ago, I decided to make a few changes in my life and started eating healthy. And with the amount of cream I usually put in my coffee, I decided to pull a Dave Coulier and "Cut. It. OUT!".

At first, the caffeine withdrawal was terrible. I was pretty moody. But by day three, I'd felt better than I had in a long time!

I'm still not sure I'm going to keep up with this coffee boycott. I'm sure I'll need to rely on it's powers in the future. At some point, Cat and I hope to give our daughter a brother or sister. In a few months, our daughter is going to hit the terrible twos and start getting up in the middle of the night. Fifteen years from now, she's going to go on a date with a guy to go see Guns 'N Roses at McPhillips Street Station Casino until 3AM, and I'm going to be up waiting for him to bring her home.

On second thought, maybe I'm done with the coffee. Bring on the vodka!!!

Currently playing: Blue Rodeo - Time
Proudly in my fourth Cola free year!

Old friends

I got to spend the day with my two oldest friends today.

From left to right, Danny Steffler, Robin Kowal, and myself.
I've known these guys for nearly three decades, Danny since Kindergarten, and Robin since pre-school. It's great to be able to keep friends for that long!

The visit was also special as it was the first time some of our children were gathered in the same place! My darling daughter is on the far right!
Currently playing: Commuter Music - Young Hearts
Proudly in my fourth Cola free year!

Death Row Inmates Final Meals

I recently came across this bizarre webpage outlining the final meal requests of death row inmates. The prisoner at the top of the page ate the following:

• Two bacon double cheeseburgers
• French fries
• onion rings
• ketchup
• cole slaw
• two diet Cokes
• one quart of milk
• one pint of rocky road ice cream
• one pint of fried okra
• salad dressing
• tomato
• onion
  

Why choose DIET cola when, a) you're already eating a fatty bacon double cheeseburger and french fries, and b) maintaining a calorie reduced diet really isn't going to matter to you in a few hours!?

Let's be honest - no one ENJOYS diet cola! Why not treat yourself if you've been behind bars for the last 2 decades of your life?

It's very strange choice, but I suppose I could understand. I haven't touched a drop of cola in over three years, and if I knew I was going to pass on tomorrow, I still don't think I could bring myself to let it touch my lips again.

Currently playing: Paul Brandt - Leavin'
Proudly in my fourth Cola free year!

Mike Kowal

Pop Goes The World.

Every time I hear that song by Men Without Hats, I think of a cold winter day in 1987. My best friend, Robin Kowal and I spent the afternoon running around the upstairs of his Brown Avenue home, being chased by his dog Odie. The dog had a serious case of ADHD, and we ended up getting the dog pretty excited.

Robin's brother, Mike, who was around 17 at the time, had no patience for the tomfoolery of 12 year old children, and came upstairs hollering at us for disturbing his peace. He took off after Robin, and I hid under a desk in another room. Pop Goes The World was on the radio, and listening to it took my mind off of the verbal thrashing Mike was dispensing on Robin.

Without warning, the door to the room that served as my hiding place flew open. Mike grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and threw me out the front door of their house, the sound of the slamming door coincided with my rear hitting the ground. A split second later, the door opened again, and I watched as Mike's hand threw my jacket at my giggling face.

Mike moved away to University the next year, so from that point on, I'd always felt like his little brother's annoying friend around him. He never made me feel that way, but after provoking his anger that afternoon, I was always a little afraid of seeing the full wrath of his fury.

About 7 or 8 years later, I too was in University, during a particularly tumultuous time in my life. I was watching a band called the See Monkeys at the University Center, and lo and behold, Mike Kowal was the band's guitarist!

Despite having never mended the fence after the Pop Goes The World incident, I walked up to him after the show, reintroduced myself, and told him how much I enjoyed the show. Fully expecting to be brushed off as if I was the same annoying 12 year old pest from 1987, I braced myself for the worst. I was instead shocked to find myself carrying on a conversation with my alleged adversary about music, his gear (I was learning the drums at that point in my life!) and life in a band. I guess he didn't hate me after all!

Although I'll admit, I did flinch at the end of the conversation, when Mike extended his hand to shake mine in farewell. The man I was once so afraid of turned out to be a really good guy to talk with!

Mike Kowal passed away last week, after a decade-and-a-half long battle with Cancer. He more than earned his rest after a long and courageous battle. Cancer picked a tenacious dance partner in Michael, and he rose to the challenge, putting up a tremendous fight. I know his endurance and steadfast refusal to back down will always be an inspiration to me.

I just wanted to pay tribute by sharing two of my favourite memories of Michael, my best friend's brother, who unknowingly played a huge influence in my musical tastes. He was quite a few years older than me, so we weren't great acquaintances or friends, but through him and his record collection in the basement that I wasn't allowed to touch but did anyway, I was introduced to a large number of bands and artists that continue to influence my musical tastes today.

And knowing Michael's musical integrity, I think he'd cringe at being mentioned in the same sentence as the Men Without Hats. I'm sorry, Michael, and I'll apologize in person when I reach the other side!

Currently playing: Danny Wilson - Mary's Prayer
Currently colouring: A yet to be solicited project for Dark Horse Comics!
Proudly in my fourth Cola free year!

1990-91 Upper Deck NHL Cards

Like millions of other teenagers, I too got hooked on the hockey card craze of the early 1990s. Hearing news that the price of Wayne Gretzky rookie cards were skyrocketing, my fellow teens rushed in droves in hopes of striking it rich.

I knew of one father who treated the cards as an investment in his son's future, and spoke seriously of how they would pay for his son's way through University. The rest of us were slightly more grounded in reality, but were still overly protective of our tiny cards of paper, because you really never knew if a card was going to be "the one".

The truth is that there was no way in hell ANY of these cards were going to be worth a dime. In a simple case of supply and demand, the market was completely flooded with hockey cards. It's probably not an exaggeration to say that during this boom, there were enough hockey cards printed to supply every man, woman, child and pet in North America with 4 complete sets of each of the main card lines.

Hockey cards were as plentiful as grains of sand. In my home town of Dauphin alone, I can think of FOUR hockey card shops that sprung up overnight. For a town of only 9,000 there were more hockey card stores per capita than there were men's clothing stores, clinics, and arcades!

The bonus of having such a huge stock of cards is that almost a decade after they were released, unopened packs can still be found. This week I noticed Toys R Us had unopened packs of early '90s Score, ProSet, and Parkhurst cards for sale.

Even better, PharmaPlus was selling unopened packs of the very first series of Upper Deck NHL cards. Just holding the matte finish foil pack in my mitts again brought back a huge wave of nostalgia, and a slight sheen of sweat on my palms.

I opened it slowly, savouring the sound of tearing foil, curious as to which players of old would be contained in the pack. Lo and behold, the NHL logo peering out at me after being sealed away for 19 years, was that of my beloved Winnipeg Jets.
The pack contained not one, but TWO Jets players! Brent Ashton and Paul Fenton! How sweet was that!
Having studied every card in this set when it first came out, it was a real blast experience facts and details brought out of the closets of my memory by the sight of these photos. Once again, the knowledge that Toronto Maple Leaf Lou Franceschetti was actually BORN in Toronto! Bill Ranford won the Conn Smyth Trophy as Playoff MVP. Brad Shaw had played his entire career (to that point) for the Hartford Whalers. And Michal Pivonka had obviously made some enemies for the Upper Deck staff to choose such an unphotogenic mugshot for his card (see right).

The following cards were included in my pack:
#80 - Michal Pivonka, Washington Capitals
#90 - Brad Shaw - Hartford Whalers
#92 - Paul Fenton, Winnipeg Jets
#102 - Wendell Young, Pittsburgh Penguins
#200 - Checklist, #101-200
#201 - Conn Smythe Trophy, Bill Ranford
#220 - Brent Ashton, Winnipeg Jets
#242 - Steve Larmer, Chicago Blackhawks
#328 - Rich Sutter, St. Louis Blues
#347 - Rod Brind'amour, St. Louis Blues, All Rookie Team
#375 - Paul Ysebaert, New Jersey Devils
#396 - Lou Franceschetti, Toronto Maple Leafs

They're all for sale if you need any of them to complete your collection. Paul Fenton and Brent Ashton excluded, of course.

Currently playing: Colin James - Cadillac Baby
Currently colouring: A yet to be solicited project for Dark Horse Comics!
Proudly in my fourth Cola free year!

Scientists spot oldest ever object in universe

In reality, scientists spotted the aftermath of an dying star, which exploded 600 million years after the universe was formed.

That beat out the previous oldest object in the universe by 200 million years, which was probably Larry King.

Currently playing: Rolling Stones - Don't Stop
Currently colouring: A yet to be solicited project for Dark Horse Comics!
Proudly in my fourth Cola free year!

Airforce One skims Downtown NYC near Ground Zero

Hey, I've got an idea!

Over 100 children are abducted every year by strangers. I can only imagine how terrifying it must be for a child to have been abducted or kidnapped from their school or home by a complete stranger. Why not bring some joy back into their lives by putting on a carnival with a bunch of fair rides for them to go on! And to add to the element of surprise, let's send a bunch of strangers (claiming to be friends of their parents, of course) to sneak into their homes, or intercept them on the way home from school, or at shopping mall restrooms to grab them, and bring them to the event!

One can only imagine the excitement on those kids' faces when the burlap sack is pulled off their heads and they get to see the tilt-a-whirl, candy apples and ball tossing games!

Okay, I'm obviously being facetious here. Anyone with the capability to think would know right away that this is an idea so insensitive that it borders on ridiculous.

With that knowledge, one can assume that White House Military Office Director Louis Caldera is a complete idiot.

Caldera approved a flyover of Air Force One over lower Manhattan yesterday for the express purpose of having it photographed with the the Statue of Liberty in the background. Since announcing to the public that Air Force One would be flying so low over Manhattan at a certain time could invite radicals to attack the jet, this event was kept secret.

But let's think here - what happened the LAST time a giant airliner skimmed the Manhattan skyline? Caldera seems to have forgotten, but the people of New York City didn't!

The following YouTube video captures the frightened public's reaction.


How could one fail to think this through and realize this was as bad an idea as my hypothetical "kidnapping previously kidnapped children for a carnival" stunt? The last time a jet skimmed the Manhattan skyline followed by an F-16, 13.4 million square feet of real estate was destroyed and 3,000 people lost their lives.

Why would you do this to those poor people?

And all this for a photo shoot?

Hey, Caldera! Adobe Photoshop will run you $699. Stock photos of the Statue of Liberty and Air Force one are cheap! How much did it cost you to fly Air Force One and an F-16 over New York?
Currently playing: Lee Aaron - Only Human
Currently colouring: A yet to be solicited project for Dark Horse Comics!
Proudly in my fourth Cola free year!

The Museum of Bad Art

I've recently become obsessed with the Museum of Bad Art. Located in Massachusetts, the museum was founded in 1994 by antique dealer Scott Wilson after finding the now treasured painting Lucy in the Field with Flowers in a trash bin.

The Museum's motto is "Art too bad to be ignored", and new additions to the collection have to meet some pretty strict requirements. Museum curator Michael Frank defines their inclusion philosophy as follows: "We collect things made in earnest, where people attempted to make art and something went wrong, either in the execution or in the original premise".

In other words, poor children's drawings, or deliberate attempts at kitsch or camp are ineligible.

I'd like to highlight a few of my favourite pieces in this fantastic collection!

Lucy In the Field With Flowers
Oil on canvas by Unknown
24" x 30"
Acquired from trash in Boston

The painting found in the trash that started it all! The Mona Lisa of the MOBA collection!

The subject's granddaughter, Susan Lawlor, revealed the painting's origin to the museum (from the MOBA website):

Anna Lally Keane lived with her daughter Eileen (Ms. Lawlor's aunt) for much of her adult life. Anna Keane died in her 70's sometime around 1968. A year or two later, Ms Lawlor's mother dug out two photos of Anna Lally Keane and sent them to an artist, and commisioned a painting. The painting was to be a present to her sister Eileen.

Ms. Lawlor told us of the day that the painting arrived wrapped in paper. Everyone gathered around to watch as the paper was torn off, the thirteen year old Susan bit her lip to keep from gasping.

It was a wonderfully accurate likeness of her grandmother's face in an oddly postured and formed body against a bizarre, surreal background.

A "gorgeous mistake... an elderly woman dancing in a lush spring field, sagging breasts flopping willy-nilly, as she inexplicably seems to hold a red chair to her behind with one hand and a clutch of daisies in the other".
Kate Swoger, The Montreal Gazette

"...the old woman with an armchair glued to her ass".
Cash Peters, Travel Writer

Sunday on the Pot with George
Acrylic on canvas by Unknown
22" x 37"
Donated by Jim Schulman

"Can the swirling steam melt away the huge weight of George's corporate responsibilities? This pointillist piece is curious for meticulous attention to fine detail, such as the stitching around the edge of the towel, in contrast to the almost careless disregard for the subject's feet".
Michael Frank and Louise Reilly Sacco - The Museum of Bad Art - Masterworks

Ronan the Pug
Acrylic on Canvas Board by Erin Rothgeb
18" x 24"

"The artist's affection for her dog far outstrips her artistic skill. Paint is slapped on the canvas with random brushstrokes, creating matted, impossible fur. Done in such a hurry that canine anatomy was not even considered, the artist still captures Ronan's playful sweetness".
Michael Frank and Louise Reilly Sacco - The Museum of Bad Art - Masterworks

See Battle
"We don't need binoculars to predict which dreadnought will be victorious in this nautical fray. The MOBA curatorial staff has determined that the object below the ship at right is, in fact, a ladybug on the window just in front of the binoculars".
Michael Frank and Louise Reilly Sacco - The Museum of Bad Art - Masterworks

Currently playing: Heart - Alone
Currently colouring: A yet to be solicited project for Dark Horse Comics!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

The Eagles!

Cat and I took in the Eagles concert with our parents this weekend.

I've not always been a fan of the band - a few songs of theirs are on my most-hated-songs-of-all-time list. (All She Wants To Do Is Dance, for example).

After Friday night's show, I can no longer call the Eagles anything but absolutely freaking incrediblawesome. When those 4 gentlemen hit the harmonies, shivers go up your spine. Add that feeling to a three hour plus long show, and the fact that all 4 main members are superstars in their own rights, and you've got a night that's worth the $115 seat!

I mean, this was Don freakin' HENLEY drumming and singing in front of me! (Not to be confused with Don HENRY, who sold us our High Efficiency Furnace last year!)

Eagles Set List - March 13th, 2009 - Winnipeg, Manitoba

First Set:
How Long
Busy Being Fabulous
I Don't Want to Hear Anymore
Guilty of the Crime
Hotel California
Peaceful Easy Feeling
I Can't Tell You Why
Witchy Woman
Lyin' Eyes
Boys of Summer
In the City
The Long Run

Second Set:
No More Walks in the Wood
Waiting in the Weeds
No More Cloudy Days
Love Will Keep Us Alive
Take It to the Limit
Long Road Out of Eden
Somebody
Walk Away
One of These Nights
Life's Been Good
Dirty Laundry
Funk #49
Heartache Tonight
Life in the Fast Lane

Encore:
Take it Easy
Desperado

Currently playing: The Eagles - I Can't Tell You Why
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: Amazing Spider-Man vol. 10!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

If only finding a birthday present was THAT easy!

One of my favourite NHL players, Mike Fisher, scored the game winning goal last night in the Ottawa Senators 3-2 overtime win against the Tampa Bay Lightning. In attendance was his girlfriend, superstar celebrity Carrie Underwood.

Yes, THAT Carrie Underwood.

The following captions appeared on tsn.ca this morning

A birthday gift?!?! Take it from me guys, if your gift to your celebrity girlfriend is scoring a goal in a hockey game, you don't need to worry about getting her a gift for her next birthday, because she'll be long gone. "Hey honey, Happy Birthday! Here's that goal I scored for you!".

Anyhow, here's a shot of her at Scotiabank Place watching the game. Underwood is the woman behind Hillary Duff.

What the...?! Hillary Duff?!?! Yeah, Duff is the long time beau of Ottawa Senators forward Mike Comrie. With the both of them together you would think they are sitting in the Celebrity Squares section of the arena. Bruce Vilanch and Whoopie Goldberg are probably a couple of seats over!

What is it with Ottawa Senators players named Mike dating superstars?

Currently playing: The Eagles - Take It to the Limit
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: Amazing Spider-Man vol. 10!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!